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Channel: Non-Fiction Essays by Katie Schwartz – Katie Schwartz
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This is the Stock I come from

I am plagued by so much guilt and shame that people can feel it in the air around me. Born three days late, I thought I felt guilty enough until I learned my mother spent seven hours delivering me....

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See Mary Run

My maternal grandmother, Mary, was a precocious and austere woman. Fastidious and tolerant, presumptuous and nonchalant, and ballsy yet perceptive; I marveled at the clarity of her moods and the...

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My Legs are Closed for Business

My preliminary dating experience on Who-The-Fuck-Cares-You-Need-A-Man mainstream dating site was as pleasant as having a yeast infection while menstruating, topped off by a sneeze-n-wheeze allergy...

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Fallujahtini Anyone?

When I menstruate it’s a war zone between my thighs, Baghdad in my vagina, with clots the size of a king’s ransom. My ovaries feel like marine boot camp, soldiers marching and punching my womb with...

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The Mourning After

Death is not my genre. My relationship with death is acutely dysfunctional. I’m terrified of death for the people I love, and also for myself, because I can’t reconcile the finality. Provoked by the...

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Vulvacabulary

Until I reached puberty, my vadgarincess wasn’t even on my radar. Unlike boys who stood up to hold their outdoor plumbing and pee, I sat down because I had indoor plumbing—this was the extent of my...

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Exquisite Corpse Publishes Homesick Abortion, Written by, Katie Schwartz

I have had an ongoing love affair with Exquisite Corpse for years. They are one of my favorite literary journals online. Every morsel is dark and twisted, and poignant, and so, well, exquisitely life...

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Thank you, Lip Magazine

For publishing my pro-choice, non-fiction essay, “Homesick Abortion.” Told from the POV of an ethereal aberration whose deepest desire is to exist in Pheerknot and be aborted.

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The Origin of, Rescue Me

  Apparently, I wrote this essay in 2004 because I just got notification that someone left a comment on BlogCritics.org. How it got there, I can’t say. An abridged version made its way to Six Sentences...

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New Essay on HuffingtonPost: Morning, Mourning Glory

the second essay of my column, I Don’t Drink Nearly As Much As I Should is live on HuffingtonPost. Excerpt below… Around this time last year, I was in excruciating pain, and thought, either my womb is...

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You’d Think Owning a Pure Breed Dog Wouldn’t be so Felonious

But it is… very, especially in LA. This week in, I Don’t Drink Nearly As Much As I Should, I’m hocking about my experience owning a pure breed dog and the hell that broke loose with people who rescue...

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First Essay at Heeb Magazine

Thank you, Heeb Magazine for publishing my yarn about my grandfather’s first blowjob. “Zayde’s First Blowjob” (Zayde = grandfather). My father loved his father so much and wanted to help him get...

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Recent Work for 2017

Recent work includes a lot of political essays at Mock Paper Scissors and Huffington Post. Recent humor essays can be found via The American Bystander, a quarterly print magazine that every comedy nerd...

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Fallujahtini Anyone?

When I menstruate it’s a war zone between my thighs, Baghdad in my vagina, with clots the size of a king’s ransom. My ovaries feel like marine boot camp, soldiers marching and punching my womb with...

View Article

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

The Mourning After

Death is not my genre. My relationship with death is acutely dysfunctional. I’m terrified of death for the people I love, and also for myself, because I can’t reconcile the finality. Provoked by the...

View Article


Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Vulvacabulary

Until I reached puberty, my vadgarincess wasn’t even on my radar. Unlike boys who stood up to hold their outdoor plumbing and pee, I sat down because I had indoor plumbing—this was the extent of my...

View Article

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Exquisite Corpse Publishes Homesick Abortion, Written by, Katie Schwartz

I have had an ongoing love affair with Exquisite Corpse for years. They are one of my favorite literary journals online. Every morsel is dark and twisted, and poignant, and so, well, exquisitely life...

View Article


Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Thank you, Lip Magazine

For publishing my pro-choice, non-fiction essay, “Homesick Abortion.” Told from the POV of an ethereal aberration whose deepest desire is to exist in Pheerknot and be aborted.

View Article

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

The Origin of, Rescue Me

  Apparently, I wrote this essay in 2004 because I just got notification that someone left a comment on BlogCritics.org. How it got there, I can’t say. An abridged version made its way to Six Sentences...

View Article

New Essay on HuffingtonPost: Morning, Mourning Glory

the second essay of my column, I Don’t Drink Nearly As Much As I Should is live on HuffingtonPost. Excerpt below… Around this time last year, I was in excruciating pain, and thought, either my womb is...

View Article
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